I broke your trust and I'm sorry

Mercyoooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! 

That was how I shouted my name in my head when I was informed of what happened that evening.  I just couldn't believe that someone like me, that enjoys her solitude and the absence of drama was having to deal with so much drama. What had I gotten myself into? What was I going to do and how was I going to get out of it?

I try to live a very quite private life but this time, the sand storm started in my own house. I am not one to dwell on problems but rather solutions. However this happening left me between crossroads and all I could think to myself is "Na me fuck up". In trying to help a friend get out of her abusive and sexual harassing place of work, I took confidential information shared to me by another friend to help aid her. But you know what they say, if you want something to stay secret you have  to die with your mouth shut. That's what I should have done. That's what I really should have done. 

Now the story has circled back to me. This is because I am the only one that knew said piece of information and I abused it. I have failed a friend who has confided in me for 13 years and yes, this is the first and I am very sure it's the last time this type of thing would happen. I have put my friend in a vulnerable position that her current livelihood is threatened. I feel so bad. If things get really bad she would have to live with me. I told my parents what I had done and the price I might have to pay for my sins. I am not even bothered about what I might face, I am bothered because I have betrayed my friend and put her in so much pain for just doing what other humans do, talk. 

I had another friend try to tell me that why would my friend of 13 years tell me personal stuff, that it's her fault for sharing with me. Immediately I cut her off because that is a very wrong way to look at the issue. This is a friend that we shared dark times, things I can't even mention on a blog. This is a friend that has helped me and supported me when I needed. This is someone who chose to tell me her troubles in life and for the first time ever, i have disrespected her. People should be able to share things with their friends without fear of the same things coming to light. People should be able to talk to people they trust. Just the way I trusted the friend that has put us in the shithole. 

I have called to say sorry. I have tried to sort things out, but the truth is that I fucked up and now I'm losing a good friend I've come to see as a sister. I wish I never said anything and this would in a million years never happen again. I hope you see this and know how sorry I am. 

I have learnt from this, so much that I cannot even put it to words. I feel bad and I hope my friend understands I didn't mean to hurt her, the same way my other friend didn't think she would hurt us both. Everything this cost her, I will pay on her behalf. I have lost a friend and my trust has been betrayed by another just like I did my friend. Karma is a bitch and when she comes back, she does with a thick clouds. I definitely understand what it feels like to tell someone something in confidence and have it come to bite you. Never again. I really can't wait for this episode to be over.