Silent Nights

The idea of being lonely has never and I hope, would never scare me. But I am forced to wonder if this is it for me? I find that I have gotten to a point where nothing fulfills me. So I am forced to take a step back to ask myself if I am truly happy. Am I happy alone? Do I like my job? Do I need more? Will more staff make me happy? What would actually make me truly happy?

To be honest, I must admit that the only thing I know for a fact is that I enjoy my alone time. The silent nights are my favorite times of the day. I come home, turn on the AC and fan while I have my bath, then come out wet with the water still dripping from my body so that the cool breeze can dry it off. Then I proceed to eat rice (because what other food is there really?), I turn on the TV and delve into my own head. My own world where I am the ruler and the subject. Those nights when I am alone. No one talking to me and no one asking me to do something for them. No one calling me and no one telling me what is should be doing with my life. Those nights when I have so much peace and I think of nothing but the prospects of the future.

Those nights when my thoughts are so far away that I become oblivious to the fact that NEPA has taken light. Those nights I imagine being married to Trevor Noah and how beautiful our kids would be. I, being a professor and coming back home to help my kids with their assignments. Living in my small cottage that has a good space at the back for a mini pool that I and my kids can be happy in.

I find that I look forward all day to coming back home and dreaming of these things during my silent nights. So it pisses the fuck out of me when someone invades my silence. Like I hate when people show up unannounced and start acting like they live in my space. but I digress.

I often wonder if this is good. Is it healthy that I love being alone? Is it healthy that I dream of Trevor Noah (In case you come across this Trevor, call me)? I am honestly not going to try and figure out the answers to these questions, because im living my best life. But seriously, Trevor, if you see this, CALL ME!!!

Photo Cred: Fine Art America